Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You left your phone here
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