One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
