Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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