Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
