If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
