Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
