Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I made him laugh his dick is mine
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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