i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
