Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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