the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
