i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
