Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
