Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
