it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
