Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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