ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
