the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
