I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
