i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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