ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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