ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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