How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
