Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
