Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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