All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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