Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
