Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
