I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
