The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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