I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
