ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think I sprained my soul last night
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
