Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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