I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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