Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
