I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
