we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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