So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
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Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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