Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
