What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
