sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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