so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
