The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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