My balls are so social today.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
