why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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