Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
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the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
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I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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