i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
