Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
