remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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