ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
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Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
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This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
this hospital has no fireball
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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