Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
