The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
