Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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