Someone shit on the floor
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
