kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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