I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
