How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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