Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
