dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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