Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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