whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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