After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
