We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
