the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
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I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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