If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
