At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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