hotel room ftw
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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