My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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