You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
