I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
